It's always those how to do X and how to think about X YouTube videos online. The thing is, with calculus, I see that I am supposed to add little infinitesimal bits together, but I don't understand it.
It's the same thing with SAT Prep; I did not know the little tidbits of knowledge like the discriminant and the sum/product of roots until I specifically delved into it. This experience has led me to think that I have to know everything in order to say that I understand it; it's refined my understanding of understanding.
And this is why I don't get calculus. There's many a course online, but this is also a double-edged sword because when I am on the basics, scrolling from one YT Short about the definition of a limit to the next Short about calculating charge of an infinitely long rod is an experience of all time. It's like those funny-but-too-often-used-so-it's-cliche-memes about what the teacher teachers versus what's on a test. And demotivation is the large shiny cherry on top!
Calculus. I think... it's another form of test. Specifically, it's a form of grit testing, one that is a redemption for all those times crying to your 3rd grade teacher about "WHAT'S A VARIABLE?" and "WHY DO YOU MULTIPLY BOTH SIDES TO ISOLATE Y?" It's like another iteration of school and life in general.
And it's lowkey-highkey-medium key been a struggle to learn. Like what do you mean f(x, y)? Gasp, THAT THING. *points to what I just typed* This thing has made me rethink what function notation even MEANT. Like, okay, I get why the SAT needs to elaborate that there are restrictions to this and restrictions to that. Anyways, learning is calling. I need to learn this first and then say something.
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